Divorce

Couples typically get divorced for 5 different reasons: 1) set in their ways, 2) skill sets, 3) children are expensive, 4) children, and 5) the belief that divorce is an option

My father has been married twice. His first wife pretty much walked out on him. He has since gotten remarried to my mom. My dad had contact with his 3 daugthers for a while and had them for part of the summers. Then things became distant and he almost lost contact with his daughter. The oldest was the first to contact my dad and had a relationship with my dad and she still does. He talked to the 2 younger siblings for a while but eventually they didn't want anything to do with him and have not had the best of luck with husbands. They both have been married twice, and had children with multiple husbands. My dads ex-wife would tell nasty rumors about him that weren't true so that led the girls to think that their father was a bad person, which he isn't.

Divorce is a sticky situation and effects families in many different way. Think twice before getting married and how your life is going to change. If you aren't ready for this change, stop the relationship before it gets too far. If you are thinking about divorce think how it will effect others and what you can do to stop the divorce from happening, such as counseling, and seeking help from others.

Parenting

Parenting can be one of the hardest things we do in life. It won't be easy. There will be times when it will be hard and unmanagable. It will take practice to learn the right and the wrong things to do. When we try something with one child it may not work with another child. We need to use our best judgement and hope that we don't screw up. We need to teach our children cooperation and how to work well with others. We also need to teach them respect. This is not necessarily something that we teach as parents, it is more of something they see by our example and how we treat them and how we treat others with respect. We also need to teach them responsibility. We need to teach them that they need to be responsible for their duties and tasks and to take responsibility for their actions. We need to give them tasks and chores to complete and have them suffer the consequences sometimes if they don't do these tasks and they will learn from this. Courage is another thing we need to teach them. We as parents need to encourage our children and show them that we really do care and have their best interest at heart and want them to succeed. We need to build up their self-esteem and tell them they are beautiful, wonderful and they can do anything they set their mind to. This message needs to come from the heart and we need to be sincere about it.

Fathers and Finances

Before the Industrial Revolution men and women spent most of their time together. After WWII women went to work and since then they have continued to work. This has created a rift in the family dynamics. They are not as close as they used to be. This has also created rifts in many other aspects in families such as marriage, husband and wife relationships, and children and parent relationships. Father's have felt most of the brunt of the burden on themselves to provide for the family if the the mother does not work, and other financial issues. If the family went from a two income family to a one or visa versa then that becomes difficult. If the family went to a two income family they might think they can spend more and end up running out because they weren't thinking and weren't planning ahead. If a family went from two incomes down to one then they need to refine what is most important to buy, what is really necessary and to get by until the next paycheck comes. This will change the structure of the family. Some of the kids might have to pick up the slack when the parents goes to work. If mom has been the primary care taker and then goes off to work then she will need some help and assistance with the care of the kids, home and family. But if the kids work out something to help mom, it might not be as bad, and may even draw them closer together instead of futher apart.

The Lord knows us better than we do

The Lord blesses each and everyone of us in different ways. The Lord knows where we are suppose to be each time and places us in different situations for a specific reason that we may never know. Thinking back when we moved each time I think we were sent to a specific place at a specific reason and we were meant to meet certain people at that time and experience certain things that we would not have experienced anywhere else. I was not ready to go to college right after high school. I was suppose to wait, because otherwise I would not have the friends I have now. I would not have been ready to be in the Interior Design program 5 years ago, Emotionally, Physically, and Mentally. At the time I graduated from high school it didn't feel right, so I kept putting it off. I finally had the nerve to turn in my application for the interior design program and I got in. I had prayed a little about this decision and decided if I got in then I would go, but if I didn't then I would figure out something else. But the Lord knew that I needed to be here at this time for a specifice reason. I had no idea what it would be and why at the time. I'm glad the Lord knows us and we can put our trust in him and he will lead us where we need to go. Otherwise I would have never met the friends I have and I am grateful for him. In class today I felt a confirmation that this is where I am suppose to be at this time and it such a welcome relief. Not that I had questioned my major, but this major is hard and didn't know if I should turn around and do something else. But I'm grateful for this confirmation. I wouldn't have been ready 5 years ago but now I am ready for whatever comes my way. Thank you Lord.

Crisis in Families

A family crisis will happen. When they do happen we need to know how to deal with it. Hill talks about the ABCX model

           A- Actual Event
           B-Both Resources and Responses

           C-cognitions (Thoughts)

Total EXperience

In each crisis situation you can go to this model. To give a personal example of this my father has lost his jobs multiple times and this is the actual event. The resources my father and my family used at these different times was searching for a job every waking moment of the day. Pray to know where exactly would be the best place for the family. As far as the responses within the family we had to be a little tighter on the money situation. We had to lean on each other to survive the crisis and hope we make it out alive. Cognitions our thoughts on the crisis - it sucks real bad. We just had to have hope and have trust in the Lord that he would lead us where we needed to be and hope that the right people would hire my dad. We had to start fresh each time we moved so new friends, environment, living situation, etc. Total experience I feel like it brought the family closer. We lean on each other in times of crisis. My best friends are my sibilings.

When crisis/stressful things happens we can't dwell on the negative. Be positive. Recognize the untrue thoughts and get rid of them. It is our spirit that tells us what to do. If we think negative thoughts in such severe crisis it will lead individuals to be depressed. One thing to really help someone pull out of depression is to change their thoughts. Find something for that individual to live for and strive for to do better and LOVE life again. Change your thoughts.

Intimacy

Intimacy between husband and wife is very sacred and should not be ashamed. Why we do it is to express our love to our spouse, bond souls, and on a more spiritual level it facilitates a more closeness with god, and renew our covenant.

Sometime you might feel like you are not confident in this area, but you need to have patience. Express your concerns to each other how to make this experience better for the both of you. Talk through your problems, issues and let the other person in the relationship know how you are feeling and where you are coming from. Maybe the person was molested or abused as a child or have other issues. Try to work them out between the two of you. If it still isn't fixed, you might need to seek professional help.
This is serious and we shouldn't treat intimacy as all fun and games. It should strictly be between husband and wife and no other people.

Marriage

To get married you need to date a variety of people and do a variety of activites. If you only let yourself date one person exclusively, then you are not exploring you options. Your emotions might take over. You might make some rash decisions, that you might regret later.

When we date, we need to communicate between each other and know what kind of expectations we expect out of life. Some of the things that we need to communicate would be things like how many kids we want or when to start having kids. Also an important thing to discuss would be if you are ok for both the husband and the wife to work. We can't assume that the other person in the couple knows what we are thinking or how we want life to go. We can't go half way into the marriage and realize that they had planned something else. This will probably cause a rip in the marriage and lead to a divorce. We need to know the person longer than a couple of weeks or months. The longer we get to know somebody the better.
When we finally do get married you need to spend more time planning the marriage then planning their wedding. The couple needs to spend time together and rely on each other when it comes to tough decisions and not have the in-laws involved in these decisions. You need to know that you are both in 100%. If the relationship is 50-50 or 60-40 it probably won't work. Communicate and try to understand where each other is coming from, and rely on each other and not others for the everyday decisions as well as the big decisions.